Oddtail @oddtail@meow.social

This is your reminder that "it's not political" means some combination of the following:

1) "I am not aware of the political dimension of this nor do I care to learn"
2) "I don't care about this issue and neither should you"
3) "My particular stance on this should be the default"
4) "I don't mind the status quo, and have mistaken what exists for what MUST exist".

Notably, it never means something is actually NOT political. There ain't no such thing.

#introductions (last one didn't spark joy, third time's the charm?)

Hi! I'm a leftist, somewhat nerdy furry from Poland, 35 y.o.

Never had much luck connecting to the furry fandom, but trying to change that at least with online interactions.

I'm shy and hilariously bad at making friends/"reading" ppl; often with no sense of what's appropriate in communication. If I screw up, let me know, I'll try and improve.

As of this Toot, still figuring myself out gender-wise. She/her on Masto for now.

So, hey, I'm a translator. And I'm pretty much *always* looking for more work.

I translate to and from Polish.

Not the most in-demand language in the English-speaking world, but if you need a translation done or know someone who does, hit me up.

I'm good at what I do, I have low rates, and I can work pretty damn fast if that's what you need.

I am also pretty versatile, I've translated everything from literature to marketing to technical stuff.

(and I mean, all other hunters as well, probably, unless they are hunting to feed themselves and their families)

AHAB - All Hunters* Are Bastards

*of whales

Took a day off of work.

My supervisor is cool, so I just told her I couldn't handle work today, and since there isn't much that's urgent and I have vacation days to spare, can I just take one day off.

She was like, of course, and that she hopes I get better soon.

I don't love my job or my company, but it's nice to have an immediate boss who's cool about things.

(I'm still paranoid I'll like, get fired, but I'm always paranoid about that, so eh.)

Sometimes I get excited ideas about clothes, outward appearance, personal style, w/e.

Then I remember the way I look. I'm like: "...oh. Nevermind."

I have this idea knocking around my head about a woman I'd love to look like, and it's maddening. Because I have no idea how unrealistically removed from my physical ability it may or may not be.

At least I don't imagine myself as an abstract woman that's nothing like me, I just have thoughts about style and presentation. Uh, progress???

2/2

And I've no idea how to disengage. I have to consciously put in mental effort - a HUGE one - to stop a thing that's "started and not concluded". But even when I manage to stop, the inner tension remains.

I've had situations where I returned to a conversation about something completely insignificant after many hours.

It's not a problem when it's funny or cute or weird. It's a problem when there was a reason to stop.

How do I handle that? Anyone have any advice?

1/2

OK, so especially with human interaction (but not only), I have this thing that, especially when emotions are intense, I have trouble stopping before I feel I've "finished" whatever what I'm doing is.

As in, if I express a thought, I have to explain it fully, to my satisfaction.

If I have a conversation, I have to fully comprehend the other person and explain myself.

And so on.

But sometimes, it's not good to continue.

What I guess I'm trying to figure out - how do I listen to people telling me I'm wrong if them telling me this takes a form that gives me extreme anxiety and sends me mentally spiralling. While also not tone policing them and saying they're wrong for talking to me a certain way.

This (my emotional reaction to a conversation like this) feels like such a weak and stupid excuse, but that's the reality of it.

6/6

But I also feel unequipped to engage at all. My every instinct is "if I act respectful and try my hardest, the person will see that I'm trying my best and will at least shift the way the conversation goes". But it's now clear that's not necessarily enough.

So I don't know what to do. And I don't want to make this about myself. But I do think I have limits of how much I can handle in human interaction.

So it's unsolvable. Can't engage, shouldn't *not* engage.

5/6?

and I'm torn, because on the one hand, "the person was mean to me while explaining how what I said was a problem" is shitty.

But on the other hand, I am not sure I can mentally handle a conversation with so much hostility.

So my best option - not engaging and not interacting - also feels like I'd be wilfully resistant to people telling me to be better.

4/6?

In the conversation, I made my best effort to be constructive and to listen and not to dismiss anything said to me. I didn't completely succeed, but I think I did... okayish?

But I now dread ever having a similar conversation, not because of what the person said, but of how they clearly assumed the worst possible faith on my part.

3/6?

But I'm still utterly drained, I would not interact or ask the questions I asked if I knew the interaction would be quite THIS unpleasant.

I don't think I can handle a conversation like this, so I guess the lesson is not to engage with people online in such a context.

2/6?

The person... let's say, explained the racism in the message to me. They were right, probably. But they were also very hostile.

Now let me state it clear. They were in the right, I am very much *not* policing their tone, they had every right to have no patience with me, especially since from what I understand, a lot of people reacted much more negativery than me.

And I'm glad I got told off, and will try to act on what I... think I've learnt, and be better.

1/6?

Had a... I guess you could call it a conversation on Birdsite.

The person asked why ppl posted a picture. I, with my usual assumption that people asking a question want an answer, explained what I thought was their reasoning.

The person proceeded to tell me the picture was racist, and my drawing a parallel while explaining it was racist, too.

I didn't quite understand the reasoning, and made the mistake of asking further questions.

3/3

The guy, who was very active and asked a lot of questions before (and almost immediately after my Tweets), grew strangely silent then. He hasn't responded to the thread since.

I'd like to believe I broke through his scepticism, but I have a hunch that's not it. I don't think he expected me to list actual scientific papers, and I caught him off guard xD LMAO.

2/3

I also noted that while there's far from conclusive evidence for that, there's some data supporting the notion that trans women's and cis women's brains at least share significant structural similarities.

He asked me to provide any such data.

I did, I literally listed off four studies supporting that as a possibility. Wasn't difficult, I literally found the sources on Wikipedia. I noted again it's not conclusive proof, but it *is* significant scientifically.

1/3

So, a guy on Birdsite was saying that "a lot of scientists" don't believe transgender people exist and many consider it all pseudoscience. I asked him to provide examples of such scientists and such studies.

I also pointed out the scientific consensus, he asked me to name ways in which trans people are real as per the consensus.

I listed off several things that are pretty much accepted, including the existence of dysphoria and that transition is a reliable way to combat it.

Perhaps unnecessary clarification: no-one I know who's from Poland owns a gun.

Of course I have American friends, and some of them do own guns. That's kind of my point.

I'm sure it's possible people I know own a gun and keep it in their house (although again - Americans, it's gonna be MUCH more rare than you're probably already assuming as you read this).

And it's true that in Poland, barriers to earning a gun permit are very unreasonable and involve a lot ot bureacracy that's not *actually* based on how much one needs a gun. Basically, it pays to be a hunter or be connected to local politics at least.

But still. Guns are frickin' RARE.

This is something I don't think Americans fully grasp, whether they are pro-gun or anti-gun. I know that, because when I said what I'm about to say, I *have* met with loud and definite scepticism from Americans.

So let me say it out loud. Loud and clear.

I'm 35 years old. I live in a large city.

Not a *single* person I know owns a gun, that I'm aware of. I've *never* seen a gun carried by a non-soldier, non-police officer outside of a shooting range.

I weigh 89.3 kg today morning.

This is my best weight since April 2020.

Granted, I beat my recent best (from last week) only by 100 g, *and* it's probably my lowest for this week (coming after my customery no-eating Tuesday), so it's completely meaningless statistically speaking, but still!